home sweet home?

Hey guys... sorry I haven't written. Shelly and I made it back to Mississippi about a week and a half ago... most of you probably know that and I'm sure not many people even check my blog anymore, but I just figured it wouldn't hurt to put that out there!

I'm not gonna lie.... leaving India was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. When I got on the airplane in Kolkata, I remember looking out the window the whole time we were taking off and just seeing all the palm trees and thinking, "Wow.... I'm going to miss this place so, so much." And I do. There were so many days when I would get so frustrated and just wish I could go home... I hated the heat some days, I hated the inconvenience of everything on others, some days I hated being so far away from home. But somewhere in the middle of those 4 months Kolkata became like home to me. I knew all the streets around where we lived. I knew pretty much every beggar on Park Street by name. I had great friends and I started running into people I knew all over this huge, huge city. Kolkata became my home. And even more than missing Kolkata, I miss DumDum so much it hurts. I was working yesterday and a lady came in with a really cute baby and my heart just ached to hold her because I miss the babies at DumDum so much. I asked the mom how old she was, and she told me she was four and a half months and I had to fight really hard to not shout "Four and a half months!?! But she's HUGE!" It broke my heart to see this baby who was so loved and so big... I couldn't help but think of Akosh and Sagur and Babooshana... all of the babies at DumDum who are three times the age of this baby and still so, so much smaller.

I've only been home about 10 days, but the newness and excitement of it is gone. I've eaten the foods I've dreamed about for months, I've seen my beautiful friends and family, and I've driven my car and sang really, really loudly... and now I can't help but dream about going back to the dirty, dirty streets of Kolkata and hugging my friends so tightly. I pray everyday that God sends someone else to DumDum to do more than feed my friends. They have people all the time who come and bring the kids food, and yes that's so important... but they need love more than anything. They're probably the most lovable people in the world, if only others would take time to see that in them.

I knew coming home would be hard... but I didn't expect this. I guess it doesn't help that I have to make some major decisions about my life and what I'm going to do these next few months. It seems like everyone I meet wants to know what I'm doing next and I wish more than anyone else that I knew, but I just don't. Right now I'm just trying to process a little bit of the past four months... and I think it's gonna take a while. My eyes start to water at least ten times a day when I think about India or talk about India or see pictures of India. I never knew you could love a place so much after such a short time. My heart just literally aches to go back and walk those loud streets and go each morning to DumDum and spend time with my beautiful friends. But, as everyone loves to tell me, I can't be a career volunteer. "It's time to for you to get a j-o-b, Haley... you know, one that actually pays you to work?" I know I'm 23, and I know I'm supposed to be starting some great career and getting my first real paycheck and actually living off of my own insurance... but I've never really done things the way that I'm supposed to and I don't really intend to start now.

I'm not gonna lie... I'm a little afraid that I can't change the world and I'm terrified of living an ordinary life. But that's not what lifes supposed to be about and I know it... I was created to serve God and trust that HIS love, not mine, will change the world. I'm excited about this next part of my journey in life and where it may lead... who knows where I'll be in the next few months? Jackson, India, Africa... only God knows and I'm excited to be a part of what God is doing around the world. Thanks for sticking with me in India... I hope you'll be around for this next part of life.

ps... talking about Kolkata is one of my favorite things in the world, and I'm pretty sure I've already bored my family and close friends with my many, many stories of life in India. Soooo if you want to chat, let me know. I'm still enjoying the beauty of conversations spoken in English.