Reality

I've been in Kolkata for three weeks, but it seems like I've been here so much longer! I am getting used to life in this crazy city... the crows no longer wake me up at night, the horns no longer surprise me, and I don't even scream (as much) any more when I'm crossing the streets! Along with getting used to all of the funny things about this place, I've found that I'm getting used to the poverty as well. And part of me hates it... I think it's awful to pass a beggar on the streets and not hurt, and sometimes I feel so guilty for passing up a child who lives outside on these dirty streets and not offering them money or food... but sometimes the poverty can become part of the scenery here. I know that must sound absolutely terrible to most of you... but when I go to the train stations early in the morning and give these little kids breakfast and play silly games with them... it's almost like I have to forget their situation..I have to forget that a lot of these girls will be sold into prostitution as soon as they are old enough.... I have to forget that some of these kids have never seen their mom or dad and never will... I have to forget that all of these kids won't go to school because they are homeless and the government refuses to acknowledge their presence. If I don't make myself forget these things... I don't think I could make it. I know they suffer enough as it is, so they don't need me to go out their and be sad. They've experienced more sadness in their short lives then I will probably experience in my entire life.

I've had some interesting conversations lately with other volunteers who have been here longer and know a little more about the reality of what these children who live on platforms face each day. Like I said... sometimes you have to forget what kind of lives they actually live and you really do forget sometimes. They are so happy most of the time, and just so excited to be loved that you forget how sad they must really be. My friend Adrienne has been working at Sealdah train station for the past 5 1/2 months, so he knows a lot about what really goes on there. He told me a story about a family who had two children... a two year old with Down's syndrome (which is really rare for India, as most babies born like this are killed immediately) and then a ten month old little boy. The parents were both drug addicts and apparently were out of drugs or money or both. Well, another family on the platform had a ten month old little girl, and they wanted a boy the same age so that he could protect the girl when they get older. The father of the two children decided to sell his ten month old son for 2,600 rupees (about 50 or 60 USD) so that he could have drug money. The mom didn't want to do it, becuase obviously this was her child, so they got her stoned and made her sign the papers when she couldn't think clearly at all. Adrienne said when he came to the platform the next day, the mom who bought the child was all happy and showing him her "new baby" while the mom, who was no longer high and beginning to realize what happened the night before, was screaming hysterically and begging for help. They've now kicked the family off of the platform becuase the woman was so upset about it and kept trying to get her baby back. Apparently, selling children isn't at all uncommon here in India. I just sat there in shock after hearing this story... you forget when you're just handing out food and playing with these sweet children the harshness of their lives. They live in a society that absolutely hates them, one where people refuse to even touch them because they are afraid that the gods will see and curse them in this life or their next ones.

So that's a little bit about life here in Kolkata... we have good days and bad days. Sometimes I am so happy here and love the craziness of this culture, and other days I just want to curl up in a ball and cry and cry. I think it will probably be like that the entire time I'm here. I never want to get used the poverty though... when it becomes normal, when I don't feel it deep inside me anymore... my work here will be useless. Please pray that despite ur differences, we will in someway be able to relate to the people of Kolkata and show them that we do love them, that we aren't afraid to touch them or feed them or hug them. Please pray that our love would be sincere, that when we love these children we can take some of their pain away. It's so hard to not be able to speak with them... but again, I know words aren't always necessary. Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers all the way over here in India!